I woke at 4. Then 5. Then the internal debating started. At 5:32 I got out of bed. No I didn’t want to get up and do anything. But I wanted to the day to go the way I hoped, the things to get done, and that meant getting up now.
So I am up and I am going and the first thing I learn is that David Bowie has died.
I can feel the press of a lot of words about the way (and who) we mourn publicly versus the potent stabbing losses many endure privately, but there’s not time for that before work. And in spite of a certain crassness to any fawning we do over celebrity, I’m not sure there’s anything wrong with the glitter streaked cries of distress going up all over the world right now. Bowie was talented, innovative, and an artist who liberated many of us with his shattering of the status quo. He also seemed a decent enough sort. The loss of all that is quite enough for any society to be sad about and I hope it inspires an enormous amount of legacy. Go, please all of you and shine! Keep at it until you find your voice.
I did get on here to say another thing. In 2015 I worked very hard towards some very specific goals, and I achieved them. The feelings of success and pride still linger. But I also had a number of experiences I didn’t plan on which re-shaped my inner architecture in ways I feel daily, but prove gossamer wisps when I try to express them. The way I chose to honor that this year was by letting life happen to me a little bit more. When you are unskilled in this arena it’s quite heady letting go. I feel like the beginning of this year has already been landmark. And we’ve barely begun. And it hasn’t really snowed in the northeast yet (my darkest hours) (sorry to use the ‘s’ word everyone). Still I’m trying to celebrate. So here’s to not knowing, and having faith in who you are, and listening to what you scream so loudly in actions and feelings and balancing that with the perhaps-too-much-lauded word.