Free association cacophony jumble of what began when, what is now -and how- and tangents upon tangents. Superstitions and silence and prayers and gratitude and a giddy, foolishly earnest hope, sticky as honey.
Everyone begins somewhere. I began almost forty years ago. I have vivid, and faded (and intentionally blurred) memories of the slates which paved my path from then to now. With the exception of holding very dear some friends whose knowledge of me is longer than any of my other histories, I do not usually dwell over those stones and steps. I’m here, now, grateful. That is more than good enough.
But this year! This whirling, freaking blueshift of an amazing incalculable year. This year I recant my new origin story (to myself) almost every day. Incredulous, I guess, at my satisfying present? Anxious not to forget where I came from? Trying to learn the route by heart, should I need to walk it again. Entertained by its twists and turns.
I don’t know, but I will tell it again -as silly as it sounds. And again, and again until it is all true.
The fall of 2011 was the beginning of a two-year descent into a sad, worried, scary place: a heartbreak; a job lost; big professional hopes brutally dashed; a terrible new job -abandoned at the cost of a small chunk of my pride; an equivalently bad new job -maintained at the cost of a small chunk of my faith in humanity; unemployed…And then in the fall of 2013 a sudden end-of-Act-I turnaround. Full ensemble on-stage, jazz hands and high kicks, the head-nodding ditty that everyone will be singing as they leave this “instant classic.” The new job that set me on the road to this current paradise.
Yep it was all honey and roses for a few months except for the adjusting to my new job, a process that isn’t over more than a year later. A process that was stressful when I first started, so much so that when I (metaphorically) bent over to pick up a paper clip, the cheeky universe put a foot on my bum for a lark and sent me stumbling into the Emergency Ward for an 8 hour Christmas Day visit. And it was that crucible which birthed this delicious year.