Happy evening. I hope you are in a moment of pleasure, in company or alone as so suits you tonight. I am at home. Alone. Conflicted. The good kind. A few good choices, but a desire not to choose. Yet, I have rested as much as I could in this last quarter of the day or so. I am restored to a point that will make sleep a challenge. It will take more stimulation and activity to tire me out and let me genuinely sleep. Jumping jacks? Dancing around my kitchen? Push-ups? Or do I get in the car, face the cold and people, and take the always offered hand, a bar stool at a favored joint. A favored joint is closer to me now. Temptation.
Eating and drinking will not tire me out and may indeed worsen my sleep, but to rally. To rally for more people when my work days are simply infested with them…but the people I meet may be good for me. Useful, kind, welcome, diverting, expanding. Or there may be the silence of being alone in a crowd, pillowed by humanity, but not involved in it. Stalemate. Impasse. Inertia. No option sways, nor deters. As a friend’s relative used to malaprop ‘Six on one hand, Baker’s dozen.’
I am going to do the dishes. I’ll be standing. My chore for years, the warm water will soak my hands in a way that comfortingly draws me back through every era of my life. Physically stirring, will mentally stir me. Perhaps I will plan an outfit. Perhaps the suggestive whisper of ‘gin’ will become a more demanding chant. Perhaps, I will caffeinate and Blitzkreig the work I want to be done that I don’t want to do. “Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps” wrote Osvaldo Farrés and Joe Davis.
Good night and good luck!