Things on Tuesday: Restaurant Bathroom Awards

I have had several ‘second thoughts’ about writing this post. But I guess poorer judgement prevailed. If you use words like ‘tinkle’ and think that bodily processes should never even be referred to in the same sentence as food, I have already affronted you and you should just move along. If you’re curious but afraid this is going to be disgusting, fear not, no mention of actual bathroom activities will appear in this post.

I can only imagine that for a restaurant owner the bathrooms are a source of annoyance. They are absolutely necessary and also a large source of liability (access issues, sanitation issues, drunk stupid people issues, etc.). As a restaurant patron I want the bathroom to be three things: clean, more elegant than its function, utterly forgettable. These bathroom awards go to places that all fulfill the first two criteria but for one reason or another were not forgettable.

  1. The ‘Where the hell are they?’ Award goes to Island Creek Oyster Bar. To be fair, ICOB is in the Hotel Commonwealth. It makes sense for patrons to use the bathrooms in the hotel. Still, it’s a long way. Eat before you go. You will need your strength for the wayfinding and your food will be cold when you get back.
  2. The ‘Clown Car Aesthetic’ Award goes to Area Four. I am a normal to slender size person. Yet I found the stalls in the women’s bathroom so narrow that I bumped into all the walls just trying to get my purse off my shoulder and hung on the hook. Take a protractor and calculate your angles of entry.
  3. The ‘Bow Chicka Wow Wow’ Award goes to Casa B. The lighting, the flowers, the subtly erotic painting (at least in the ladies’ room). The long inviting expanse of dark, oiled, hardwood floor….’nuff said.
  4. The ‘Mixed Media Aesthetic’ Award goes to Blue Inc. The Blue Inc. bathrooms are out of the restaurant, around the corner and tucked off near some…storage rooms? They are well indicated by a path of blue arrows (even so Blue Inc was runner-up for the ‘Where the hell are they?’ award). Yet someone didn’t want you to lose your connection to the restaurant experience. So the doors are decorated; the interior has some nice trim complementing thoroughly pedestrian fixtures. There are small, framed images on the wall of earnest looking laborers in places you might want to visit and, of course, hung on a bulletin board above the TP, the menu! The bathroom is a place where some people claim to do their best thinking….
  5. The ‘Complimentary Sobriety Test’ Award goes to The Blue Room. The ladies’ room that services The Blue Room has several stalls and you will always find one empty. That is if you can successfully navigate the 3 foot by 3 foot giant wooden pillar with terraced base that is immediately inside the second swinging door. If you cannot evade the pillar, call a  cab.

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