Friday Night Writes: 11.18.11

My very first “blog” (from the digital dinosaur era) was actually a weekly email to 20-60 people that went out Friday afternoon or evening. At that time I was lucky enough to have several groups of friends but never would the twain meet. I (selfishly)  have long abhorred telling the same story over and over again. So that email was a good way to keep everyone informed of my latest embarrassment, heartbreak and occasionally, triumph. Many of them read it. Most noted any missed-weeks with heartfelt concern, and some even replied from time to time. I have kept writing and (attempting) blogging because the privacy of the composition paired with the publicity of sending it suited me well. I wanted people to know how I was feeling. I hoped they would care. But talking is rarely my preferred mode of communication.

Though this blog is ostensibly about all about food and food related activities, the whole point of a blog is that it is one’s own space to express themselves, and sometimes just vent or rail against something difficult, or cry  out loud. I always felt so honored by those who read me and responded, and so fulfilled by getting something off my chest,  that I am wedging aside the aromatic cheeses and restaurant reviews to make room for this new meme. These two words meant a lot to me when matched as they were at the beginning of every Friday missive. I hope you will now count yourself among my…

Dear Friends,

Technically it is no longer Friday. So here I am cheating first time out of the box. *Le sigh* I am merry tonight. Very merry. The prospect of being able to sleep beyond 6:15 AM and also not having to teach tomorrow is an incredibly sweet and seemingly inexhaustible nectar. And yet, I know I will spend more time than I want to tomorrow storming around my apartment rehearsing  ferocious (imaginary) conversations that will never occur with my friend who revealed himself to be really, really, really not-cool last week.

I will tell this story with false names. Gavin and Erica have known each other for almost 30 years. They have long been good friends, they work in the same place, they have the same friend group, they have been there for and been through every iteration of life’s weather with each other. Maybe 15 years ago they bought their first piece of joint property,  a duplex, where Gavin lives on the first floor and Erica lives on the second floor (literally, separate apartments). In the past 5 years they have also become joint owners of a car that they share and a second vacation property.

I have known Gavin and Erika for a decade. When I first met them I assumed they were married but everyone who knew them well denied this was the case, neither wore a ring, and over the years I saw them get quite testy with curious new acquaintances who mistook their joint property arrangement to be significant of other commitments. I have never seen them kiss. I have been over to their duplex and seen them retire separately to their individual abodes. I have been to their vacation house when it was just the three of us and they have slept –not only in separate bed rolls but in separate rooms! Offering me one of the double beds with neither of them (let alone them together) sleeping in the other one.

So it harm none do what ye will. And no matter how close I think we are, your personal life is none of my business until you make it so. I do not judge. I do not pry. But Gavin had a history of a flirtation (maybe more) with one of the single women in our group. And for the past 2 years he has been flirting with me –making sure we spend time alone together when Erica is out-of-town. Some kissing. We had an encounter as recently as August! While Erica was occasionally territorial, neither she nor Gavin ever defined their relationship and aside from joint property there were no other clues to suggest they were together. In fact there have been witnessed denials. Right up until they announced their engagement to our group last week.

Oh. Of course. Stupid me. No, that makes perfect sense. Denial. Denial. Denial. Betrothed. WTFF?!?!

I’m sad. Yes, I had feelings for Gavin. I feel duped. How do you “not know” in August that you are getting engaged in November? Really?! I think not. I feel a very small shard of guilt: I am assertive, but I would never knowingly pursue someone else’s committed person. I am very, very, very, very angry at Gavin. I think it is really not okay to jerk someone (me!) around like that. And I guess I feel a little sorry for Erica. I can only imagine now that he’s burned this bridge, Gavin will find someone else to call when Erica is out-of-town.

So here’s flipping the bird to Gavin. I hope you have good memories because you are never getting another drop of amicus out of me. And Erica I’m never really going to understand why you never spoke/stuck up for yourself (or your relationship?). But you’ve known him for 30 years, I guess you are getting exactly what you want. Congratulations to you both. I’m not quite sure when the wedding is but I fear I might be out-of-town.


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