School will be starting soon. I feel this familiar transition from the teacher side of things -a bittersweet tension and pop as I cling too long to summers’ gifts and they snap out of my flour-dusted hands to winter-over and return next year.
This year I find myself, gratefully, calm in the face of this cyclic loss, and thoughtful and afraid.
I’m afraid because I will not have the time available to be as food-focused as I would like and I don’t yet understand how that is going to come into balance with my school life. I have this fear every year about some beautiful piece of my life that swelled during the summer and must be trimmed back in the fall. I will embrace it and hopefully use it as motivation for discipline, focus and efficiency (Yeah, I’ll let you know how that works out).
I’m thoughtful because I have had a hodge podge of meaningful food related experiences in the past several months and I’m not yet sure what that means for me or my food career yet.
The lingering impressions/questions:
- Which do I want more, a restaurant or a farm? I think I want both but there are some unshakeable pillars of reality to contend with.
- I get terribly distracted when I am at restaurants. The efforts of upscale restos to sell you ‘an experience’ are working. I go out. I have a blast. I am given the impression that I made friends. And I go home muddled (sometimes literally, mojito anyone?). Restos are still a bit of a black box to me. I still don’t quite know if, or where, I would fit in that world. I am loving the people I find in it, so I will keep on trying.
- I think I need to grow up a little. Each of those wonderful nights out leaves me with a bit of oily adolescent ‘I wanna be a cool kid’ residue.
- I don’t think I have the determination to gerrymander the time to work in a restaurant during the school year, but I am leaving that an open question.
- My initial concern with above was fatigue & lower job performance. Now I’m worried that I would not be able to explore farming if I was ‘tabling’
- Opportunities on the farm side have been a little more free-flowing. I have felt more embraced on the farm side. There is some sort of deep, back-to-basics, save the universe, communion with land and animals thrum that resonates under a focus on farm side that I have not yet been able to reconcile with the pleasure I take in my city mouse lifestyle.
- I inseminated a pig and I met a randy boar. It’s going to take me a while to get over that. I have a new respect for pigs.
- I have a sourdough starter I love! I am looking forward to keeping it alive and perfecting the bread.
- I like cooking. Giving it to people seems to expand that joy.
Food for thought (Aw, c’mon, You knew that was coming!).